Someday
by prodigaldaughter13
Summary: Tessa wakes to her first morning as Jem's wife to a terrible shock. "There are some days dark and bitter Seems we haven't got a prayer But a prayer for someday better Is one thing we all share"
1. Someday

The sun shone in through the windows of the Institute, waking Tessa gently. She stretched happily, looking forward to her first day as a married woman. After a moment she rolled over, running her fingers along Jem's cheekbone. Her hand jerked back. Why was he so cold? Tessa leapt up, clutching a sheet about her bare body while she ran around the bed.

"Jem? Jem? James!" she shouted, shaking him with one hand, and slapping his cheek with the other. It became clear he wasn't opening his eyes. "WILL!" Tessa screamed, falling to her knees with the sheet wrapped around her.

Will burst inside, his hair still mussed from sleep and his eyes blurred. "Tessa? Is something wrong I- Oh, God, no." He rushed over to the bed, turning Jem's head so it faced the ceiling. "Not Jem. Not Jem." He kept repeating it as he checked for a pulse. Tessa knew from his face what he found. "Nothing."

He turned slowly, like he was coming out of a dream. "Tessa. Put on a dressing gown. I'm going to get Charlotte and Henry." He left the room.

Tessa stayed where she was, with the white sheet still pooling around her. How ironic that she should be wrapped in white this morning, the Nephilim mourning color and the mortal wedding color. How was it she had slept while Jem had slipped out of this world? Shouldn't something –_anything- _have woken her? Something that would have pulled her out of her dreams and allowing her to say goodbye?

A warm hand touched her bare shoulder. "Tess. Tess, please, come away now." She looked up, and found dark blue eyes staring down at her. Her entire body shook as Will helped her to her feet and led her out of that terrible room. "Here," Will said, having her sit down. "I'll find you something to wear."

She looked around numbly, and realized he had taken her up to the attic, to his room. He pressed some fabric into her hand and graciously stepped outside so she could change. Only after she'd let the fabric slip on did she realize it was men's clothing, a white shirt and snug brown pants. They were too small to have been Will's. They were Jem's.

Her hand flew to her stomach as if there was a physical explanation for the terrible pain and emptiness inside her. A sound like a dying bird escaped her choked throat and she collapsed onto the edge of the bed. One hand remained clutched to her stomach while the other firmly covered her mouth while her body rocked back and forth with sobs.

A light knock sounded. "Tess, may I come in now, I thought I h- Oh, Tessa," Will said, rushing in to wrap a comforting arm around her. He sat with her while she sobbed, crying with her and helping her dry her tears. They stayed together for hours, wrapped in mutual mourning, and when they finally returned downstairs, they clung to each other like frightened children.

Slowly the months went by. Some days dragged, and the nights were long. Tessa barely slept, and Will often joined her on her nighttime wanderings of the Institute halls. Neither of them ever strayed near Jem's room. His funeral had been held, and his things moved, but still his memory haunted the Institute. Sometimes Tessa would wake up in the night and think she heard his violin. Other times, Will would turn to say something, then freeze in surprise when he didn't see a silver head turned to hear him. Nothing helped lessen the pain for him, not even the comfort of his family.

The only things Tessa could find comfort in were Will and her growing stomach. It seemed that one night had been enough; she was due to give birth to the next Carstairs. She and Will often sat together on the roof, Will helping her to sit when her stomach became so swollen with child only her stubbornness kept him from forcing her to stay inside.

"I suppose I'm not truly a warlock," Tessa remarked sadly one afternoon, laying a hand on her stomach. She winced lightly as the baby kicked, and then turned a rare smile to Will. Her smiles were few and far between, and almost exclusively for Will. Charlotte and Henry were preoccupied with their baby, and when they mourned they did so privately. Tessa and Will wore their sorrow proudly and openly, allowing their tears to flow when they came.

"What do you mean?" Will asked, not looking away from the sky. Somewhere up there, he thought, was Jem, laughing and smiling down at them. _I'll take care of her, Jem, and your child. I promise._

"I mean, I'm due any day now," Tessa said, gesturing to her belly. "Clearly, either the Codex is wrong, or I'm not a warlock."

"You were never a warlock to me, Tess. You're something nobody's ever seen before," Will replied, glancing towards Tessa. He hated himself for the quickening of his pulse, the desire he still held for her, even though he could never -would never- have her.

There was silence on the roof for a time, as both of them simply watched the sky, each lost in their own thoughts and personal grief. "I hope it looks like him," Tessa said finally, her eyes never leaving the horizon. "The baby I mean. It would… help somehow, I think."

Will thought for a moment. "I think the baby will help no matter what it looks like. It will bring some joy back. Heaven knows we need it." Tessa cried out, and Will leapt up, hovering over her protectively.

"William," Tessa pushed out between clenched teeth. "I think you ought to go fetch Charlotte now." Will looked around in bewilderment, and then he noticed the pool of water, steadily spreading out around Tessa. Her hands were fists at her sides and the sheen of sweat was beginning over her forehead.

Quickly, Will helped her into his room and he ran down the stairs, banging on doors and shouting through the corridors. "Charlotte! Henry! Cecily! Sophie! Come quickly, it's time!" Soon, the residents of the Institute were all gathered in the attic, peering anxiously around the bed while Sophie hauled water and sponged the sweat away from Tessa's forehead.

Tessa clasped at Will's hand, and when Charlotte tried to shoo the menfolk out of the room, she refused to relinquish her grip. With a scream and a push a new life entered the world. Charlotte cleaned up and swaddled the baby before presenting her to Tessa.

Completely spent from childbirth, Tessa's hand had gone limp in Will's grasp. The baby was placed in Tessa's waiting arms, and she sighed happily, gazing into the child's luminous face. Eyes and hair like pure silver, just like Jem.

"It's a girl," Charlotte said quietly, before she stepped out of the room. Will and Tessa gazed in silent wonderment at the baby's face.

"She looks just like you, but with Jem's coloring," Will said, and for once the name of parabatai didn't hurt as it crossed his lips. He smiled down at the little girl, who stared up at him as if she already knew him. "What will you name her?" he asked, looking to Tessa. She'd never looked so lovely, hair plastered to her face and her breath coming quickly as her skin glowed in the low light.

"I think I'll name her… Jemma. Jemma Carstairs," Tessa sighed quietly, gazing entranced at her daughter's face. Will smiled with genuine joy, completely free from grief.

"Jemma. It's perfect. _She's_ perfect," Will proclaimed. Tessa beamed up at him, and it suddenly occurred to him what they would look like to an outsider. A family. For a moment, his heart stopped in fear. Then, he heard Jem's voice in his mind. _William. I want you both happy. It's all right._

Tessa's smile softened, and he knew she had heard the same voice. "Jemma does need a father," Tessa commented quietly. Her eyes were shy, her voice a mix of pain and joy.

"That is true," Will conceded. They looked at each other for a moment, and they each seemed to reach the same conclusion. "Not yet," he said, "but someday. When we're both ready."

"Someday," Tessa agreed. He helped her rise from the bed, taking the baby while she stood and guiding her to the door where the members of the Institute waited anxiously.

"Jemma," he said as he opened the door, and Tessa proudly displayed the infant. Cecily, Sophie and Charlotte cooed over her as if she were the first child to ever be born, and Henry clapped Will on the shoulder, looking him in the eye with an expression that said he understood exactly what had happened behind the door.

_Not today, _Will thought quietly, taking in the sight of the group and the beautiful mother at the center of the hubbub, _but someday. _


	2. Let Love In

"Up?" Jemma asked sweetly, holding up her chubby arms to Will. He laughed, swinging her up easily. She seemed so much smaller than she should be at a year and half old, but Tessa didn't seem concerned, so he tried to put it out of his mind.

Jemma shrieked with joy as Will tossed her lightly into the air and caught her again. She'd only started talking a month prior. Will had been reading her a story, and when it came to an end she looked at him evenly, with those disconcerting silver eyes. "Again," she'd ordered, as if she'd always known the word and just hadn't needed it until that moment.

Flabbergasted, Will had restarted the story. He reached the ending once again, and this time she nodded as if to say _that'll do for now. _He'd immediately turned to Tessa, who was sitting next to him in the library. She'd given him a smile, a genuine one that seemed to become more and more common as time went on.

He threw the toddle up again, making her giggle and bringing a grin to his face. He hadn't expected to enjoy fath- to enjoy _Jemma _this much. Tessa pushed open the door.

"Are you playing with my daughter in a room full of weapons?" she asked playfully, watching the two of them. Will caught Jemma with a grin, refusing to be abashed.

"Where else would we play? Henry banned us from the crypt," Will answered, bouncing Jemma lightly in his arms while he spoke. Tessa smiled at them both, coming near to lay one hand on Will's arm and the other on Jemma's silvery curls.

"You've really got a talent with her," Tessa said, studying Will's face. He didn't know what she found there, but it must have been good, because her eyes softened. Jemma looked seriously at her mother, laying a hand on her cheek.

"Mamma," she said in the peculiar little voice she used when she was being stubborn. Tessa beamed.

"Yes?" she answered, wrapping one of her daughter's curls around her finger.

Jemma looked frustrated, as if Tessa had interrupted her. "Mamma," she repeated, and then she moved her hand to Will's cheek. Her little fingers were slightly sticky- how, Will couldn't imagine, she hadn't been near anything remotely sticky since her bath. "Dada," Jemma finished.

A stone sank in Will's stomach. He tried to keep it hidden with a small smile as he removed her hand from his face. "No, Jemma-" he began, but Tessa gave his arm a squeeze, grabbing his attention.

"What rule says Jemma can't have two fathers?" Tessa asked quietly, her gray eyes large and nearly glowing. Will felt his heart stop and then pick up again, double-time. For once, he couldn't think of a thing to say. He had the words, but not the ability to speak them.

He'd held the promise of someday so close to him, until it almost seemed like a dream, something he'd made up himself to carry him through the dark times. And there were dark times, moments when he hated Jem for leaving, hated Tessa for making him feel the way she did, even hated Jemma at moments for being a constant reminder of his lost _parabatai_. Then he would remember the pure joy he'd felt in his attic bedroom the day Jemma was born, and it would somehow make things seem less hopeless. It had been the ray of light in a darkened room, keeping him centered on what really mattered and keeping the shadows at bay.

Very carefully, he set Jemma down. She looked back and forth between Tessa and Will, and then toddled off, knowing in her odd way that they needed a moment.

_Such a smart girl, _thought Will with a swell of pride. Then he turned his attention back to Tessa. She'd let go of his arm, but her eyes held him locked in place, kept him from moving away as she stepped closer.

"Will," she said lowly, uncertainty folding her eyebrows inwards, "I understand if you'd- rather not. For all I know, a lot may have changed in this time. But I would be lying if I didn't say I had hoped you would have been… pleased." She was stumbling over her words; she, _Tessa,_ was having difficulty finding a way to say something. Without realizing he'd done it, she was gathered in his arms against him.

"Tess," he said quietly, giving himself permission to finally call her that, "I'm not- pleased isn't the right word. I'm…" He couldn't come up with anything. The one time it really, _truly_ counted, and his repertoire of words had failed him. Finally, he gave in; his blood singing with her closeness, he bent down a gently kissed her.

He'd spent nearly two years telling himself that kissing her couldn't possibly be like he remembered; staying up hours into the night just to avoid waking from dreams of it, for every dream and urge was a betrayal. But now- now everything was different. Not because of Jem's passing- that would be wrong. No, it wasn't that Jem had moved on, but that Jem had given them his blessing to do what made them happy. And in that moment, Will knew nothing could ever make him happier than he was with Tessa.

A small hand tugged on his pants leg. He broke from Tessa for a moment to look down into Jemma's smiling face. She held her arms up to him once more. "Dada," she pronounced as Will scooped her up into a tight hug between the three of them.

"If your Mamma says yes," Will agreed, looking sheepishly over Jemma's head at Tessa. The mother blushed, a stain of color across her skin that Will yearned to reach out and touch- and, he realized with a rush of joy, he could.

"Well, how can I argue, it's two against one," Tessa commented, kissing first the top of Jemma's head and then Will's cheek. "Although I'll be expecting a ring soon."

"Naturally," Will replied with a grin, looking forward to it. Jemma gave a delighted giggle, and soon Will and Tessa joined her, sinking to the floor in genuine laughter as the little girl broke free and toddled around them. She came over on unsteady feet and patted Will awkwardly on the head.

"Love you," she said seriously, looking between Tessa and Will. They both seemed to shine, glowing with pride over the downy-headed child. She bounded off in her little way, bouncing from foot to foot.

Will turned to face Tessa. "Love you," he said, taking his lead from the child. After all, she hadn't steered him wrong yet.

Tessa's smile was pure light. "Love you," she answered, giving his hand a squeeze.

Jem smiled, watching the three in the library, a new family forming before his eyes. His brother and the woman they both loved, raising a child. "If I could," he declared to no one, "I wouldn't change a thing."


End file.
